moving

i moved out from here
i hate small spaces
i need my space

and i didnt like it here

so i moved to
http://jazzylife.wordpress.com/

:)

احساس غريب

احساس غريب

بجد حاسة احساس غريب
..عارفين الاحساس ايلي هو اكني من فوق ببص علي نفسي؟
الاحساس اكني ببص علي نفسي من جوا نفسي وانا برا ..

عارفين حركة انكم تتنفسوا بتنهيدة باردة غصبن عنكم بتطلع بصوت فيه الم ساكت ؟

هو ده احساسي

كوباية فاضية
ساحة معركة مهجورة
قاعة حفلات فاضية
غرفة معيشة لشقة صاحبها متوفي
شارع في وسط البلد ... مهمل
ورق جرايد قديم
طفلة يوم العيد متسابا لوحدها
مقابر محدش بيزورها
لغة مش مفهومة
عينين بتبص ومش بتشوف


...بنت وحيدة

Today

yesterday i had like million words

miillion screams..

but i shoked !

yes i didnt want to speak a word

i didnt

i wanted to come here

write and write till my fingers fall

and then it was like..

what the heck ? and i forced myself to sleep aggresively that i woke up bruised :)

as for today...

well let me see

i had a derastic hair cut

that my friends are calling to curse me over the phone..

i had a new look

that i like

that to somehow

is me :)

it's funny how little things can express u..

just to look at it

and say

(that's the real me)

like for example

my bergendi nail polish

that's me !

that the colour of the inner me ..

anyhow..

then i went to the dentist

and was so high that the doctor kept laughing for what i was saying and doing..

mmmm

had a sweet cute conversation with ma (bluffing sure) !!

went to Wust elBalad concert at elsawi culture wheel with a one good friend :) ..

and let me say that it's my first wust elbalad concert..

it was awkward

because i love crowded places

and yet it felt strange!

i dont know why but it did..

i love thier music and yet it was ... stupid !

no seriously i love them but the concert was a disaster..and i feel the band was out of mood..

(that's my feelings people)

but then we discovered this place in elsawi .. wow..

(it's me) :)

i almost made my good friend cry and i felt really bad afterwards !

had a hysterical situation on the way back...

but really

the hair cut

the new look

the laugh at the dentist

my friend's talk

wust elbalad song (shams elnahar)

the funny sitiuation (the car)

the photos i took at home

and the dancing to the beats

slightly changed my mood..

am changing lanes

and heading back to me

all i need is

..shwyt time with myself

a paper

a pen

quietness

atmoshpere that is free of action..any kind !

Lena Chmamyan,Souad Massi ..

my coffee ..

and i will return to me again .. i know i will..

cause i want to..

today my friend gave me a hug..

while she was hugging me i almost cried..

it has been so long since that happened ! (the hugging part as for the crying it happens a lot)

felt somehow alone these days..

but..

AM FINE !

i am always fine..always was and always will be ..

i just need a little time !

anyhow ..

i love the way i looked today :D

and

i love the way my hair looks :)

am cute :P

It happens

Yes it does…
I can proudly say...it happened to me...
I hate that...I hate the feeling of (inevitability)
The sense of it has to happen whether I like it or not, I know I should have prepared myself for that...and I didn’t...
But to be honest, I was warned, by every sign possible, and yet I couldn’t stop, it’s my fault and I’m taking the blame, but in the same time I deserve better,

Yesterday was the last day I allowed myself to feel sorry for me, because today is a new day and am going to start it new and fresh...
Forget about last night, forget about last day...
Am here
Am now
Am a good, crazy, loud ,quiets, balanced, unstable, romantic ,realistic, lively ,kind, mean, poetic , musical, childish ,blossomed ,confused , setteled,friend,sister,daughter,trainer,college,driver,dancer,writer..Human being :)
Am rewriting and revisiting my priorities that I have set 6 months ago...I’m not going to “stick to” them because actually I don’t have to... But I will live by them because I chose to :)

Superman..yes

have you ever met "Superman"?well dont look at me like that..cause

well i met one "Superman" in my life..

and am happy am his friend :) when am with him i feel like a child..seriously

a child with no what so ever character

learning the meaning of the word "friendship" from the begining

..if anything am always afraid i may disappoint him

he is a good guy and am happy am a part of his life :)

"even if that part is veeeeeeeeery small

My Very Own Bucket List

OK .. here it goes..

I'm writing down my bucket list

and from time to time

am gonna update it ..

1. i want to have a golden and red walls,
2. a red porcha ,
3. travel to Spain,
4. Italy,
5. Goa,
6. Malaysia,
7. Maldive island,
8. France (Paris & country side),
9. Scotland,
10. Germany (not the capital)
11. spend the Eid in elkaaba
12. spend the new years eve at new york
13. spend the thanks giving period at Chicago
14. spend the valentine in Vienna
15. sky diving
16. scuba diving
17. swim with dolphins
18. attend concerts for : Celin Dion,
19. Micheal Buble &
20. Bryan Adams.
21. dance in a public place
22. have the most romantic public marriage proposal
23. have a surprise party
24. sing in a karaoke bar
25. have a butterfly tattoo
26. go for a ride on a Harley with my love driving and me holding his back , wearing a leather jacket on a sunrise scene and some great music (am still searching for it) is playing.
27. then driving the Harley myself :)
28. climb a mountain (Still searching for the one)
29. scream my lungs out in a vast place (i do that every time i get into a tunnel but i need an empty beautiful place)
30. Have a two week residency in New york and watch all the Broadway shows .. and the opera :)
31. have my own CD library (with the movies i love)

I wish...

mmmm i don't know..but

i write down my Bucket list ..and every now and then

i would upgrade it..

the thing is..

i found something that i really wish for..

yet it's outta my hand

i always dreamt of a surprise party !!yeah i know am so cheesy and stuff

but that is my wish !

yes a surprise party..whether it's for my birthday that i hadn't celebrated for the past 6 or more years..

or maybe anything else

a party that would involve the following

of course a surprise

friends

family

care

love

appreciation

A LOT OF SURPRISES that i don't have an idea what they would be.. i know more cheesy !!

why do i need that?seriously i don't know

but just the idea that group of people i care about

gathered around ..despite their differences..despite the fact that they don't know each other ..but yet they are here .is an idea that i love ..

once upon a time

i promised myself i wont tell that wish to anyone

and i didn't ..I'm not writing it down so it would happen or it's like pleading to happen..

am writing it down cause i feel like it ..

Breath

but my god it is so beautiful when the boy smiles..